Second Child Syndrome: Finding the Balance to Keep Two Kids Happy

 

Nobody said it would be easy.  Having two young kids has been one of the hardest and most challenging experiences of my life.  College?  Psh.  Parenting is like a maze that, once you feel like you figured it out, the dead-ends shift and you’re back to figuring out another escape.  I’ve never been so confused in my life!  Most of my fear comes from the thought that if I do something wrong, it will emotionally scar my girls for life.  The last thing I want is for them to grow up like they needed more.  I’m not talking about materialistic things, but rather that emotional connection.  I never want either to question the love we have for them.

When Ava was born, she needed a ton of attention.  She was a colicky baby so we had to do everything in our power to keep her happy and not screaming at the top of her lungs.  The first year with her was so tough.  My poor husband would stay up with her until about 1 am just so I could get some sleep and then it was my shift.  It was especially rough for Olivia.  She had been the only child for a solid 3 years and then here comes Miss Needy taking away her shine.  I know it was hard for her to cope, still is.  It’s difficult for a child to comprehend that just because she has to share mommy and daddy’s attention, does not mean we love her any less.  I tell my girls I love them about a million times a day and I still feel like it’s not enough.  I try to get in as much face-time with them between work, cleaning, cooking but I still feel like I’m neglecting them.  Why is that?  Both my parents worked, but I never grew up feeling unloved or neglected.  Am I overthinking it?

Ava is still young, so it’s hard to predict whether she will suffer from second child syndrome.  I fear that she will feel less-than because she has Olivia’s hand-me-down, or if she will resent the fact that Olivia gets to do some things or go some places that she cannot because she’s older.  I’ve had to make an effort to sometimes just let the dishes pile up and let the clean clothes sit in the dryer just one more day.  I’ve even had to write in this blog while they nap or after they’ve gone to bed for the night.  It’s a struggle but you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

I’ve also started to take my eldest on dates so she will feel special.  I’ll start doing the same with Ava soon.   My husband and I recently took Liv to see Incredibles 2 at the movies.  She got a tub of popcorn and Twizzlers and she had an amazing time.  She still talks about our special date 3 weeks later!  I think we as parents have to make the time to give each child their own special time.  A time where they don’t have to share mom and dad.  A time when they can have fun and just talk.

I read this article on the Parenting magazine website that rang so true to my situation and I think you will enjoy it too.

Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day!!  This is my 4th mother’s day as a new mom and, I have to say, it just keeps on getting better each year.  Every year I feel like I am growing.  Growing as a wife, a mother, a friend.  Every year I am learning new things, experiencing new things and figuring it all out.  I’m learning how to juggle family and work life.  I’m learning how to handle two kids.  I’m learning how to find balance in my life and keep myself from caving in.  This past year has been a little rough with a new baby– not easy!  She requires a lot more attention than my first.  I recently started using my Moby wrap while I cleaned the house.  Not too bad.  She starts to squirm out of it after 20 minutes so I have to work fast.

But I love being a mother.  Wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I love watching my kids grow and learn new things. A is starting to balance on her own. She’ll be walking before we know it.  O just finished her first year in preschool.  You should watch her recite the pledge of allegiance.  TOO CUTE!

So I raise a glass (yes! a wine glass!!)  to all those mothers out there.  The ones staying up at all hours of the night to comfort a sick child.  To the ones who will stop at nothing to provide for their families.  To the ones who work multiple jobs to make ends meet.  The ones who will do anything to make sure their kids are happy, healthy and safe.  To all those men and women who have assumed the role of mother to care for a child that is not their own.  And to the ones who love unconditionally so that their kids know love.  I salute you.

Today is your day!  Enjoy it.

My Precious Little Girl

Here I am, on the eve of my little girl’s 4th birthday and a rush of emotions has taken over me.  She’s fast asleep and I’m scrambling to get her backpack in order for preschool tomorrow.  Of course, I forget to wash her bedding so I’m up waiting on the washer so I can put them to dry.  I also have to find some way to haul 15 birthday cupcakes to her class tomorrow.

I’m so excited for her– her special day!  She doesn’t know what awaits.  Singing at school, a special video call from grandma and grandpa and, after school, pedis!!  She is going to freak. She has always been infatuated with my makeup and, as she calls them, my color nails.  She’s never had her fingernails or toenails painted.  I was so against it!  Somehow I felt that if I exposed her to makeup and nail polish, she would want to grow up too fast.  I just didn’t want that for her.  I wanted her to care less about beauty products and care more about having fun and being a kid.  Running around, learning new things, going outside and getting sweaty.

Fall 2017

I’ve thought long and hard –when is the right time? And you know, I don’t have that answer.  But I also know that the more you refuse, the more they push back.  It can’t be no, no, no all the time.  So instead I decided to use this time to treat her (just the toes, no fingernails).  And with all the attention her little sister requires, this will be a nice time with just us two.

Spring 2016

Spring 2015

Munoz, Party of Four.

Oh the joys of parenting.  Sleep deprivation, selflessness, cluttered home, the death of quiet time, endless need for caffeine (see 1st example) —  it can be overwhelming.  So at what time did I decide to have another?  Funny how mother nature tricks you into thinking that its “not that bad” and then the second one comes along and you remember, “Why did I have another?  What was I thinking?”

That’s right, it was because you wanted to grow your family.  Although I keep telling myself that two is the right number for my family, I can’t help but to think about a third.  I know it wouldn’t be easy for our family situation.  Thankfully I have my mother-in-law living with us so she is an at home daycare provider for us.  But if she was to move out, I couldn’t imagine how I would be able to afford daycare for two, much less three!  It’s bittersweet when I think about my current situation. I love my girls, but am I done?  It sounds so permanent when I think that THIS is it.  It makes it feel like it’s the end of one part of my life.  Like when you graduate high school or college, or when you move out on your own.  Well for the past 4 years, I’ve been growing my family and to think that we are done with that it makes me kind of sad.  I’ve had such a hard time getting rid of my maternity clothes– you know, just in case.

So when do you decided that you are done? I’m not sure, but I know that I can’t dwell on this thought for too long because I have two amazing little girls that need me to show them how to be strong, independent little ladies.  I have two amazing little girls who need to be taught how to ride bikes, play sports, dance, cook and be kind, compassionate human beings.

Tough life decisions.  What are yours?