Second Child Syndrome: Finding the Balance to Keep Two Kids Happy

 

Nobody said it would be easy.  Having two young kids has been one of the hardest and most challenging experiences of my life.  College?  Psh.  Parenting is like a maze that, once you feel like you figured it out, the dead-ends shift and you’re back to figuring out another escape.  I’ve never been so confused in my life!  Most of my fear comes from the thought that if I do something wrong, it will emotionally scar my girls for life.  The last thing I want is for them to grow up like they needed more.  I’m not talking about materialistic things, but rather that emotional connection.  I never want either to question the love we have for them.

When Ava was born, she needed a ton of attention.  She was a colicky baby so we had to do everything in our power to keep her happy and not screaming at the top of her lungs.  The first year with her was so tough.  My poor husband would stay up with her until about 1 am just so I could get some sleep and then it was my shift.  It was especially rough for Olivia.  She had been the only child for a solid 3 years and then here comes Miss Needy taking away her shine.  I know it was hard for her to cope, still is.  It’s difficult for a child to comprehend that just because she has to share mommy and daddy’s attention, does not mean we love her any less.  I tell my girls I love them about a million times a day and I still feel like it’s not enough.  I try to get in as much face-time with them between work, cleaning, cooking but I still feel like I’m neglecting them.  Why is that?  Both my parents worked, but I never grew up feeling unloved or neglected.  Am I overthinking it?

Ava is still young, so it’s hard to predict whether she will suffer from second child syndrome.  I fear that she will feel less-than because she has Olivia’s hand-me-down, or if she will resent the fact that Olivia gets to do some things or go some places that she cannot because she’s older.  I’ve had to make an effort to sometimes just let the dishes pile up and let the clean clothes sit in the dryer just one more day.  I’ve even had to write in this blog while they nap or after they’ve gone to bed for the night.  It’s a struggle but you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

I’ve also started to take my eldest on dates so she will feel special.  I’ll start doing the same with Ava soon.   My husband and I recently took Liv to see Incredibles 2 at the movies.  She got a tub of popcorn and Twizzlers and she had an amazing time.  She still talks about our special date 3 weeks later!  I think we as parents have to make the time to give each child their own special time.  A time where they don’t have to share mom and dad.  A time when they can have fun and just talk.

I read this article on the Parenting magazine website that rang so true to my situation and I think you will enjoy it too.

5 Tips for Traveling with Kids

Family vacations don’t come too often in the Munoz household.  Most of the time it’s getting an opportunity for both my husband and I to get time off of work.  So as Ava’s first birthday approached, we decided to make a quick trip to Galveston.  Not the best of beaches, but it is the closest.  We thought about other travel destinations like Austin or San Antonio, but Ava can’t ride in a car for too long before she start whaling.  And there is no way we were taking a 2 or 3 hour car ride with a screaming child.  This was our first overnight trip with two kiddos and for the most part we were prepared but there were some things we overlooked.

So I decided to help out other families, who may be thinking of taking a trip this Summer, by coming up with these 5 tips to make your vacation go little more smoothly.

1. Pack enough clothes.  Goes without saying right?  Our trip was for three days and two nights, so I packed each girl four outfits.  One for each day and an extra pair in case of accidents.  Well, little did we know that Ava would get sick and vomit all three days.  I had to make a trip to the hotel’s laundromat to clean her clothes.  One night, she had to wear her sister’s over-sized t-shirt to bed.  So always multiply the number days you will be gone by 2 and then add an extra pair (to be safe.)
2. Pack enough snacks.  This one we had down thanks to the hubs.  First of all, do you know how expensive hotel food is?  And how many times do you think my 4-year old asked for a snack?  You want some chips? Got ’em.  You want a juice box? Sure, hun, here you go. In the mood for some fruit?  Got it right here in the hotel fridge. Win, win.
3. Kid-Friendly Hotels.  We stayed in a hotel that was very kid-friendly without even doing our research, so we lucked out.  While waiting to check-in (we were almost 2 hours early) they had a table with goldfish, gummy worms and some blue juice (beach themed) to keep our girls entertained.  At night, they had a blow-up screen at the pool where they played Trolls.  Olivia had an amazing time.  Also, check to see if kids eat free.  Some hotels may offer it.
4. Check out the attractions near you.  This may also go hand in hand with picking your hotel.  Lucky for us, the Rain Forest Cafe was right next door to our hotel (not planned.)  The restaurant looks like a jungle and every 5 minutes the “animals” would hoot and holler and make all sorts of noise.  And in the evening they had carnival-themed games in front of the entrance to the restaurant.  There was also a makeshift volcano that would spit fire periodically.  The girls loved that.
5. Plan your day around nap-times.  Trust me on this one.  It. Changed. Our. Life.  Ava usually takes a mid-morning nap and another around 5 so we waiting until about 11:30 to leave the house and make the 1.5 hour trip to the beach.  She slept the whole way! We would go to the beach in the morning and head back to the hotel around noon.  This also helped us avoid the weekend crowds at the beach. It was perfect!  Ava slept like a rock after the sun and swimming.  Then when she was good and refreshed we went on to the next activity.  Ava can be unbearable when she needs a nap, so after a year, I feel like we really have this planning thing down.

Our vacation was extremely short, but it’s one I will never forget.  Those mornings on the beach, making sand castles, collecting sea shells — are memories I will cherish forever.  On our last day, we took Ava down to the beach to sing her happy birthday.  It’s been a year of challenges but we made it through.

The joy on the girls’ faces made this whole weekend worth it.

Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day!!  This is my 4th mother’s day as a new mom and, I have to say, it just keeps on getting better each year.  Every year I feel like I am growing.  Growing as a wife, a mother, a friend.  Every year I am learning new things, experiencing new things and figuring it all out.  I’m learning how to juggle family and work life.  I’m learning how to handle two kids.  I’m learning how to find balance in my life and keep myself from caving in.  This past year has been a little rough with a new baby– not easy!  She requires a lot more attention than my first.  I recently started using my Moby wrap while I cleaned the house.  Not too bad.  She starts to squirm out of it after 20 minutes so I have to work fast.

But I love being a mother.  Wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I love watching my kids grow and learn new things. A is starting to balance on her own. She’ll be walking before we know it.  O just finished her first year in preschool.  You should watch her recite the pledge of allegiance.  TOO CUTE!

So I raise a glass (yes! a wine glass!!)  to all those mothers out there.  The ones staying up at all hours of the night to comfort a sick child.  To the ones who will stop at nothing to provide for their families.  To the ones who work multiple jobs to make ends meet.  The ones who will do anything to make sure their kids are happy, healthy and safe.  To all those men and women who have assumed the role of mother to care for a child that is not their own.  And to the ones who love unconditionally so that their kids know love.  I salute you.

Today is your day!  Enjoy it.

My Precious Little Girl

Here I am, on the eve of my little girl’s 4th birthday and a rush of emotions has taken over me.  She’s fast asleep and I’m scrambling to get her backpack in order for preschool tomorrow.  Of course, I forget to wash her bedding so I’m up waiting on the washer so I can put them to dry.  I also have to find some way to haul 15 birthday cupcakes to her class tomorrow.

I’m so excited for her– her special day!  She doesn’t know what awaits.  Singing at school, a special video call from grandma and grandpa and, after school, pedis!!  She is going to freak. She has always been infatuated with my makeup and, as she calls them, my color nails.  She’s never had her fingernails or toenails painted.  I was so against it!  Somehow I felt that if I exposed her to makeup and nail polish, she would want to grow up too fast.  I just didn’t want that for her.  I wanted her to care less about beauty products and care more about having fun and being a kid.  Running around, learning new things, going outside and getting sweaty.

Fall 2017

I’ve thought long and hard –when is the right time? And you know, I don’t have that answer.  But I also know that the more you refuse, the more they push back.  It can’t be no, no, no all the time.  So instead I decided to use this time to treat her (just the toes, no fingernails).  And with all the attention her little sister requires, this will be a nice time with just us two.

Spring 2016

Spring 2015

Munoz, Party of Four.

Oh the joys of parenting.  Sleep deprivation, selflessness, cluttered home, the death of quiet time, endless need for caffeine (see 1st example) —  it can be overwhelming.  So at what time did I decide to have another?  Funny how mother nature tricks you into thinking that its “not that bad” and then the second one comes along and you remember, “Why did I have another?  What was I thinking?”

That’s right, it was because you wanted to grow your family.  Although I keep telling myself that two is the right number for my family, I can’t help but to think about a third.  I know it wouldn’t be easy for our family situation.  Thankfully I have my mother-in-law living with us so she is an at home daycare provider for us.  But if she was to move out, I couldn’t imagine how I would be able to afford daycare for two, much less three!  It’s bittersweet when I think about my current situation. I love my girls, but am I done?  It sounds so permanent when I think that THIS is it.  It makes it feel like it’s the end of one part of my life.  Like when you graduate high school or college, or when you move out on your own.  Well for the past 4 years, I’ve been growing my family and to think that we are done with that it makes me kind of sad.  I’ve had such a hard time getting rid of my maternity clothes– you know, just in case.

So when do you decided that you are done? I’m not sure, but I know that I can’t dwell on this thought for too long because I have two amazing little girls that need me to show them how to be strong, independent little ladies.  I have two amazing little girls who need to be taught how to ride bikes, play sports, dance, cook and be kind, compassionate human beings.

Tough life decisions.  What are yours?

Practicing Self-Love

My little one is almost 8 months and, to my surprise, I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  Definitely not the case with my first babe.  Kid #1 weighed in at almost 10 pounds and momma at nearly 200 on due day!  I remember going to my last doctor’s appointment before delivery and cringing at the scale that read 1-9-6.  Of course weight gain is expected during pregnancy, but 60 pounds?  I struggled losing the baby weight for nearly 2 years.  I kind of just accepted this new mom bod.  I eventually slimmed down, but still carried around “the pooch” and just figured it was something I had to live with.

My second is a different story.  The weight seemed to melt off.  Not because I was eating super great, maybe OK, but not great.  I still indulged in my fair share of ice cream and chocolate.  I chalked it up to my breastfeeding – burn 500 calories a day, right?  So what could be to blame (or praise) for this weight loss?  That’s when it hit me!  I’m damn near starving myself!  Having two kids along with work, keeping a tidy home, laundry, making time for friends, making time to work out, cooking dinner, making time for the hubby, taking kid #1 to school, taking care of kid #2’s every need, it can be exhausting!  When do I make time to eat?

I fell into the mom-zone.  Taking care of everything and everybody else regardless of my well being.  But that’s our job, right?  Making sure everyone else is happy.  But what about our happiness? Yes, my family means the world to me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like to be alone sometimes.  Sometimes we just want to be able to do what we like.  Go shopping without having a toddler to look after.  Go to the gym without having to be called down to change your babies diaper.  Book a spa day and not feel guilty for leaving your family at home.

So this year will be different.  This year I will make an effort to practice self-love.  I’m a firm believer that if momma is happy then your family will be happy.  If momma is happy, she is present in the moments that most affect her family.  She is attentive to her family’s needs.  She is available to be there for her kids and her significant other.  Being happy is about fulfilling your needs along with your family’s, not suppressing them.  So do something that makes you happy today.

What do you like to do to unwind?

 

Motherhood

It’s been just over a year, and I must admit that it’s been the most life-changing experience.  I read all the books, heard all the stories, but had no clue how my life would be transformed.  I thought I was prepared.  I read “What to Expect While Expecting” twice before Olivia was born but had no idea what to expect.  I can’t even tell you what my life was before she was born.  But I wouldn’t change it for the world.  I feel like although your life is altered, you just adjust to those changes.  Life goes on.  Olivia has been such a blessing.  She has taught me about patience and that parenting is different.  No book or person can tell you exactly how it will be.  Books are great for reference, but there is no way to predict your child’s personality.  And even when you think you have it figured out, your child goes through a “phase.” 

So to all those soon-to-be mothers, I only have one piece of advice.  Have faith in yourselves and your abilities.  Motherhood is a journey.  You learn as you go.  It’s great to hear advice from others, but only you know what is best for you and your child.  And it’s OK if you don’t get it right the first time.  You both will learn from each other.  I really feel that women have their instincts but we are sometimes hesitant to act on them.  Trust your gut!