Nobody said it would be easy. Having two young kids has been one of the hardest and most challenging experiences of my life. College? Psh. Parenting is like a maze that, once you feel like you figured it out, the dead-ends shift and you’re back to figuring out another escape. I’ve never been so confused in my life! Most of my fear comes from the thought that if I do something wrong, it will emotionally scar my girls for life. The last thing I want is for them to grow up like they needed more. I’m not talking about materialistic things, but rather that emotional connection. I never want either to question the love we have for them.
When Ava was born, she needed a ton of attention. She was a colicky baby so we had to do everything in our power to keep her happy and not screaming at the top of her lungs. The first year with her was so tough. My poor husband would stay up with her until about 1 am just so I could get some sleep and then it was my shift. It was especially rough for Olivia. She had been the only child for a solid 3 years and then here comes Miss Needy taking away her shine. I know it was hard for her to cope, still is. It’s difficult for a child to comprehend that just because she has to share mommy and daddy’s attention, does not mean we love her any less. I tell my girls I love them about a million times a day and I still feel like it’s not enough. I try to get in as much face-time with them between work, cleaning, cooking but I still feel like I’m neglecting them. Why is that? Both my parents worked, but I never grew up feeling unloved or neglected. Am I overthinking it?
Ava is still young, so it’s hard to predict whether she will suffer from second child syndrome. I fear that she will feel less-than because she has Olivia’s hand-me-down, or if she will resent the fact that Olivia gets to do some things or go some places that she cannot because she’s older. I’ve had to make an effort to sometimes just let the dishes pile up and let the clean clothes sit in the dryer just one more day. I’ve even had to write in this blog while they nap or after they’ve gone to bed for the night. It’s a struggle but you gotta do what you gotta do, right?
I’ve also started to take my eldest on dates so she will feel special. I’ll start doing the same with Ava soon. My husband and I recently took Liv to see Incredibles 2 at the movies. She got a tub of popcorn and Twizzlers and she had an amazing time. She still talks about our special date 3 weeks later! I think we as parents have to make the time to give each child their own special time. A time where they don’t have to share mom and dad. A time when they can have fun and just talk.
I read this article on the Parenting magazine website that rang so true to my situation and I think you will enjoy it too.
Luna & Isabella 